Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
