Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why is half of my head shaved?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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