And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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