Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
