i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
