dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My bed smells like the plague
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize