It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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