so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
