speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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