You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
