3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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