you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
