with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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