Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
