you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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