he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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