i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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