Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
