My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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