She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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