meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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