i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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