I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
