it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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