fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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