Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
