I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
