Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
