Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
