I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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