If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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