So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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