My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
