You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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