I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
