god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank you for not boning my boss.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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