My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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