the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
