Say something about gay babies.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
