Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude. I can hear the air.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
