I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
