I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
