so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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