i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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