OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
