Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize