i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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