Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
