Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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