I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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