I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize