you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
