Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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