oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
