I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
