i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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