we're chasing vodka with high fives
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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