Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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