Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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