Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
