there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
