Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
