I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
