Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
