that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
