it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
