I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize