They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
