i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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