Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
