My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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