I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
