the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
