On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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