Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I understand Curling. That high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize