Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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