yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
