everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
