our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
