Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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