Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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