Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
