Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
