ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
