You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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