Moan for me like Helen Keller
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
