I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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